THE CHOICE

The Morning Star, the daughter of the Anasazee tribe chief was talking to a mountain, when her brother, The Lord of Fire, told her that her mother wanted to talk to her. Morning Star could guess what the talk would be about. Of course, she could ask the water, the maple, or the grass for the advice. But she wanted to learn from the mountain its imperturbability, firmness, patience and deliberation. She wanted to prepare herself for the upcoming conversation in the best possible way. The Morning Star was going to say “no”, and she needed “solid as a rock” arguments for that.
However, the conversation with the mountain did not give her the desired result; instead, it created an even greater confusion in The Morning Star’s soul. She realized that they were talking in different languages, and that was a bad sign. The Morning Star knew when it used to happen. It happened when you didn’t understand yourself and didn’t know what you wanted. The Morning Star took a deep breath and followed her brother home.
Their mother The Mountain Lake’s wigwam stood in the center of the village next to the father’s wigwam, where he solved the problems and conversed with the men of his tribe, and those of the friendly tribes. The Wise Serpent was a brave warrior, an excellent hunter, and a resourceful politician. With his strong, resolute character, he was also a kind, devoted husband and father. Some women of the tribe sighed, looking at the splendid pair. Envy was not in the Anasazee nature. Their pure spirit, passed down from generation to generation, didn’t have a room for such a soul quality, and they didn’t even have a word for it in their language. The Morning Star was very pretty, kind and clever, and that attracted the attention of one of the tribes’ leader. The Morning Star’s parents had high hopes for that marriage for beside the happiness of their daughter it also promised to strengthen bonds and friendship with a very powerful tribe, whose warriors were brave and noble, and the women were beautiful and wise. But The Morning Star was a friend of The Rapid Stream since childhood, and she did not want to marry a man fifteen years older than herself, whom she hardly knew and feared quite a bit. She did not want to lose the dear familiar world that surrounded her. She knew that she had already grown up, but she could imagine her future life only with The Rapid Stream, surrounded by all she knew and that was dear to her. Her mother, The Mountain Lake, felt the confusion, anxiety and even fear in the soul of her daughter. Being a wise woman and knowing that the heart matters come first since they determine the entire future life, The Mountain Lake wanted to find out in a conversation with her daughter what kept The Morning Star from the marriage: her love for The Rapid Stream, or the fear of a strange family and changes. The Mountain Lake knew that there would be many hardships in her daughter life, like in that of any woman. But it was not them that determined the happiness or misery, whether the life turned out well or failed, or the self-awareness of herself as a woman. She also knew that good luck and happiness are easy to pass by, taking them for something quite the opposite. Frequently, they are found where you least expect to find and to search for them. The heart often tells us where to look, but it also often cheats. Or rather, it’s the people who make mistakes, taking usual emotions, often strong, for the heart’s feelings. The Mountain Lake was able to listen to her heart and to respect its feelings. God always talked to her through it. So if she followed it, she was never wrong. The emotions come from someone else. They would always lead away to errors, disappointments and retribution. At that moment, the heart was telling her that her daughter The Morning Star was confused, and that she needed help to hear the voice of her own heart.
The Mountain Lake was sitting next to the wigwam smoking her pipe, when The Morning Star and her brother appeared on a path. A squirrel was sitting on The Lord of Fire’s shoulder. He was teasing it and trying to cheer The Morning Star up making funny faces and jumping around. The squirrel tried its utmost in order to get a nut. Its bushy tail was flickering like a flag. The Morning Star smiled softly to her brother, and bent graciously and naturally holding out her hands to the squirrel so that it wouldn’t fall. Watching the scene The Mountain Lake felt a warm wave in her heart that covered her all over, and the pride in having such wonderful children. She quickly separated love from narcissism and chose only the first sensation, leaving the second without heed, and brushing it away. The second one was not from the heart.
The Morning Star sat down facing her mother. The Mountain Lake kept a long silence, puffing on her pipe. The Morning Star was silent, too. They were in no hurry. They were tuning into each other’s wave. The Morning Star began to feel peace, protection, love and understanding, and The Mountain Lake started perceiving better the cause for concern of her daughter. A few more minutes of “that silence”, and The Mountain Lake finally understood everything. So she asked only one question out of the six that she wanted to ask her daughter.
It was not for herself but for The Morning Star. She asked: “If, when you get married to The Rapid Stream, a few years later he met his fate…will you be able to let him go and live the rest of your life alone and happy?”
The more The Morning Star thought the meaning of the question over, the lighter her heart grew, and the clearer her head became. The fact that was quite obvious for her mother was becoming clear for her only then. The Morning Star knew The Rapid Stream since childhood. They were connected by friendship, devotion, loyalty, common interests, secrets and dreams… the whole life: their childhood and adolescence. Therefore, The Morning Star felt guilty, she felt that she would betray The Rapid Stream if she got married to another. In addition, she was afraid of a failure, a mistake, of something new that she did not know. But the main thing was that she did not love The Rapid Stream, but only hoped to have a quiet haven of his friendship. In her heart she felt gratitude, kindly feelings and respect towards her friend. But something was definitely missing. She also felt the helplessness and the fear of a possible future. That was what occupied the place where something was missing. Therefore, the desire to marry The Rapid Stream was very strong and justifiable in her self-awareness, and also the feeling of guilt. The Morning Star began to realize that her friend had the same feelings. They cherished them and would always remain friends. But he had his own destiny ahead of him, his own love, and she had her own. And no matter how scary it seemed, you have to look into the eyes of fate. The Rapid Stream was very handsome. Many young women of the tribe looked away in embarrassment when they met him. Their cheeks blushed, and animated conversations and laughter did not cease when he appeared. Even in his young age, he was already considered a good hunter and a reliable friend. Knowing how to overcome fear and pain, he didn’t give into despair and aggression staying kind and fair. The Morning Star caught herself on an ugly emotion.
She wanted to possess such a good man; she wouldn’t want to lose him, to give him away to someone else. Yes! She experienced a lot of feelings, including selfish ones. But her heart told her: “You do not love him. And he doesn’t love you. It's not fair. Let him go.”
Morning Star knew that the heart never lies. It was pierced with the acute pain of loss. But she bravely took a step towards her heart.
The Morning Star felt that she had made the right decision, because, suddenly, something was released, and she felt easy and good in the heart. Only something like a taste of bitterness was on her lips.
The Mountain Lake, who looked straight into the heart of her daughter, smiled with a scarcely perceptible smile, set her pipe aside and stood up. The conversation was over. She knew that the bitterness would go with the wind that would bring changes and new hope.
In the evening she told her husband that their daughter had grown up and was capable of understanding her feelings. Her heart was free and ready for a change. The Wise Serpent looked at The Mountain Lake with love and attention. Realizing what she was concerned about, he said: “The Mountain Lake knows that the first wife of The White Eagle was my sister The Singing Creek. The Wise Serpent saw the happiness and joy in her eyes. The birds of spring were singing love songs in their wigwam even in the bitter cold. Five winters have passed since the death of The Singing Creek. The Wise Serpent realized that The White Eagle’s heart wound had healed when he saw how he looks at The Morning Star.
The women in his tribe are beautiful as always, and their interest towards one of the most worthy men of the Lants tribe does not weaken. But it’s been two years since The White Eagle is waiting for The Morning Star to grow, and for the Great Manitou to send him a chance. He is checking his feelings.” After a pause he added: "Do not worry, the Lants men know how to conquer the heart of the beloved woman . They always have time for it.” The Mountain Lake once again felt a huge warm wave in her heart. The best man, the man of her life was by her side.
A moon ago, The Morning Star and The Rapid Stream, thanking each other for the sincerity, could make their feelings out. Having talked for some hours, they decided to remain friends. The decision was sincere on both sides; there was no guile in it. Probably that was why both immediately felt better.
The Morning Star came to the mountain, and touched its wrinkled, warm surface. The mountain answered. The Morning Star felt steadfastness and stability inside. She looked up and saw two birds that were circling together in search of midges. She was filled with a sense of joy, the openness of the space, the flight towards something new. She looked down at the river. The water was taking away the old and promised a lot of the new. The grass and the maple whispered softly about her future. The Morning Star listened. They were saying something about her future children, about many cares, about hardships. Suddenly, a twig snapped somewhere. The Morning Star started and quickly turned around. The setting sun hit her eyes and blinded her. Something gently touched her head. The Morning Star closed her eyes and passed her hand through the hair. There was a white feather in her hand. She realized that she would be happy no matter what.
Raising her head, she saw a huge moose walking straight at her, and it seemed to her that it was carrying the sun in its large branchy horns. The moose clearly believed that The Morning Star stood in its way. She barely had the time to jump away and dodge the horns. She fell badly and sprained her foot, and then she saw in horror that the moose was turning to her again, wheezing and grunting. Suddenly, a strange to her warrior stood between her and the moose. He was as tall as her father. The warrior caught the beast by the horns, bent it to the ground and having dragged it to a side, and got them tangled in the trees. As a result, the moose got safely stuck.
He then lifted The Morning Star in his arms and without any effort carried her through the forest to her father’s wigwam of. It was then that The Morning Star realized that her crazily beating heart wanted to jump out and run after him. It was the leader of the Lants, the one that The Morning Star parents wanted their daughter to marry to.
When she was younger, she saw him at the festivals in full dress, very stately, as befits to the leader of one of the largest and most influential tribes. Nevertheless, The Morning Star was a bit afraid of him, thinking that he was much older than looked, and probably very angry. She never recognized The White Eagle in a simple warrior’s clothes. When she realized who he was by the way he talked to her father, at first she was shocked. Later, alone, she laughed at herself for a long time. At her request, The White Eagle let the moose out of the trap. It was vaguely grateful to him, too.
Throughout her happy life together with that man, The Morning Star gratefully recalled the conversation with her mother that helped her to make the right decision. And the fate simply met her half-way. The Morning Star knew that the interior determines the exterior. If not for the choice she made when she honestly looked into her heart and realized that she was deceiving herself, she would not have gone into the woods and would have never seen her beloved the way he really was. Her life would have been completely different. Never in all the years of living together The White Eagle hurt her, or put her in an awkward position. He always took the first blow, protecting her and their children. He was fair, kind and true. Until her very old age The Morning Star felt that she was needed, loved and the most beautiful.
The Swift Current was in no hurry to marry. But he, too, awaited his fate. He and The Morning Star forever preserved the mutual trust, respect, interest to each other and sympathy. But The Morning Star always remembered her mother’s question and thanked her with all her heart, when she saw how The Rapid Stream worships his wife The Gentle Turtle-Dove. He never looked that way at her.
The Lord of Fire had not married yet. He grew into manhood. Having inherited all the qualities of his father, The Wise Serpent and the heart of his mother, The Mountain Lake, he knew how to wait, distinguishing emotions, and petty passions from the voice of his heart, his way and his destiny.
What about you? Do you know how to wait and to make the right choice?
Marina Luch. December, ‘03.
nakovkina@mail.ru